What’s your biggest struggle in the whole dating process? I bet you’d agree, the fear of failure has the power, like nothing else, to ambush your emotions and distract your focus. Could it be it’s the very thing that has gradually slowed (or even halted) your attempt to find love?
Now or Never
Fear of failure is the secret belief that investing your full-out effort into the process is sure to bring you pain.

Painful mistakes…
Painful situations…
Painful rejection…
Painful decisions…
Painful humiliation…
disappointment…
wasted time…
regret… etc.

Well, it’s no wonder, you’ve felt knotted up in an emotional tug of war. One minute, “I will pursue love,” and the next minute, “I won’t.”

What Your Fears Produce

Ironically, it’s by NOT attempting something (or by giving up too soon) that you bring about the very thing you fear most: failure. And, sadly, it triggers another crippling problem: procrastination. Is it possible that fear of failure has been holding you back? Ultimately, victory over it is for those whose desire for love, is greater than their desire to avoid pain.

Use these five practical “starter steps” to break your self-defeating cycle and pursue the love you deserve.

I. Redefine “Failure”

It’s an irrational belief that failures are “final” in any sense. Viewing it that way coaxes you into more stopping then starting or intentional self-sabotage—all to avoid risk, mistakes and disappointment.

Actually, after ANY failure you possess an unlimited number of new possibilities and “second” attempts available. The balance of some small success AND failures are the ONLY real proof that you are fully engaged in the dating/relationship process.

II. Visualize Follow-Through

Each day spend at 15 minutes visualizing yourself taking pre-dating and dating action that has failure potential—and feeling courageous and proud for doing so.

Remember, your subconscious mind doesn’t distinguish between what’s factual and what’s imagined. It accepts as real, what it is given, particularly when those mental images are consistently visualized with detail and emotion.

Visualization isn’t magic. But it DOES “re-arrange” your thoughts and motivation behind your fear of failure; empowering you to pursue your dreams with practical action. Some peak-performance psychologists believe that visualizing just before bedtime allows your subconscious to continue “hard-wiring” your vision as you sleep.

III. Get a Role Model

Personal change and new productivity require a kind of leap of faith—with no guarantees of how it will turn out. So, the next best thing is a role model who’s succeeded at what you’re now attempting. Never underestimate the power of observation.  For most of us seeing leads to believing—and believing leads to more strategic decisions and actions.

Find at least one friend who is very productive in her love life—and achieving the kind of results you’d like. Share your struggles with fear of failure AND pick her brain.

Ask her to be your accountability partner. You’ll set your goals and regularly report your progress. She’ll help you follow through.

IV. Recall Your Past Successes

Ask yourself: "In what specific ways have I contributed, in the past, to the accomplishment of my dreams and goals?”

Name the personal strengths, and creative effort you demonstrated in those successes. Reflect on the powerful ways you took strategic action—and got transformative results.

Now brainstorm (and write down) specific ways you can use those same those personal assets in pursuit of your relationship goal. You’ll never exploit the personal resources you’ve used in the past to the fullest, if you don’t recognize what they were.

V. Take Consistent Action

Push yourself to begin by taking action steps that feel just a bit harder than your fear of failure allows you to do comfortably.

Example: push yourself to sign up on an online dating site (doable, right?) AND commit to posting a great profile and photo—within 7 days max (a bit harder, yes?).

It’s not about doing it perfectly. It’s about building momentum by acting quickly and consistently.

* Dating Tip for Women: The right actions will NOT always feel 100% right at first.*

Your gut instincts are not always trustworthy. Just because your gut is telling you, ‘This feels weird/wrong/dangerous’, doesn’t actually mean that it is.

Refuse Regret


Now is not the time to wallow in regrets over what the fear of failure has cost you. Instead, it’s time for you to get up and get going, purposefully advancing toward the love life you’ve desired—and deserved—all along.
*Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” –Ambrose Redmoon
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